English spelling makes no g-ddamn sense. Like, why does damn need that n at the end. We’d all understand what a dam is perfectly well.
| Silly Word | What’s silly about it? | Suggested spelling |
|---|---|---|
| asthma | Why exactly do we have silent TH in there? | Spell it how we say it assma. |
| debt | There is no good reason for that b to be there. It was only added by smug types who wanted it to seem a bit Latin. | dett and det were perfectly serviceable spellings before the executive meddling |
| because | There’s a whole bunch of letters that don’t get sounded | Spell it like we say it p’coz |
| brusque | We spell it with a queue but say brusk | Just spell it how it sounds – brusk |
| derriere | Why? Just why? | We already have enough words for the bum, behind, buttocks, tushy, etc.. |
| dyslexia | Now you’re just being mean. | What is wrong with dislexia? |
| buttocks | Why exactly do we need three letters for one sound? “cks” could be written “x” like it is for dyslexia. This is just cheating at Scrabble. | I fixed it for you: butox |
| colonel | We don’t say col-on-el we say kernel. | kernel |
| fiery | What madman decided that turning fire into an adjective required some of the letters to teleport about inside the word? | firey – that’s how we spell it now |
| handkerchief | No one says it like that. | hankerchief is better even with the redundant “i” where a second “e” should be. Hankercheef is even better. |
| herb | For some reason, the French and the Americans pronounce this ‘erb. | Herb if you are going to say what you see or ‘erb if you don’t want to. |
| liaison | This mutant has an extra i. | Lee’ayson – now it looks like a cool sci-fi word too. |
| Indict | Did that c drop acid and become a magic e? | indite is how we say it. |
| lieutenant | That’s not how we say it. Since when is “ieu” pronounced “eff”. | leftenant – that’s how we say it. |
| meringue | Someone put this word into a blender or something. | merang – there was that so hard? |
| mortgage | This word is trying to smuggle a t in up its jumper. | morgage |
| school | For some reason, we all just decided to say “ch” as “k”. | skool or scool |
| stationary & stationery | Two spellings that are said the same – just pick one already. | stationary or stationery |
| through | That “gh” is doing nothing to earn its keep | throu is good enough; we also have threw which sounds exactly the same. |
| to, two, too | just pick one already. I mean what is that w doing there anyway? | what to do to this? If only there was a simple spelling for the one sound with a bunch of meanings… |
| jeopardy | There’s an “o” in there phoneing it in. | jepardy |
| playwright | WTF is that GH doing in there? | Playrite – fight me |
| queue | That’s too many letters adding nothing to the sound. | Cue or Q are passible. |
| receipt | Why is this spelt re-sip-it? | reseat, reciet, receet – all make more sense than whatever this word is doing. |
| zucchini | Did someone just smash their face into a keyboard or something? | Zookeeny, surely. |
What other words do you hate the spelling of?